PGN?

Supposedly we were resubmitted on Tuesday. I REALLY hope that is true. I've been filling out paperwork to extend our 1-600 application for immigration which essentially is what the US requires for our daughter to be allowed to come home.

Not much exciting happening in our lives. Our 3 month old is rolling over like crazy now. The 3 year old has been arguing with me abuot the fact that ghosts live in closets and wants to know why. I told him there are no such things as ghosts. He just says "you are lying mommy. Why do they live in closets" It's an argument I can't win.

We're heading to a cabin for the weekend with my husband's family. It's always interesting. The nice thing is that his two brothers and sister-in-law will be there along with his parents. Our kids will be the only kids...which means a TON of help. :)

Don't tell PETA but....

We went to the carnival a couple of weeks ago and the boys played the game where you shoot darts at balloons. They each got to pick out a toy. My 3 year old picked a toy car. The 5 year old picked a pair of handcuffs. Yep. You already can see a bad story happening, can't you?

He tried to coerce his younger brother into wearing the handcuffs, but that didn't work. Next thing I know...there are TWO screaming boys and a CAT running at top speed through the house. The 5 year old has one handcuff on and the end is dangling.....

Hmm...I started running looking for the cat. The whole time I was thinking "oh boy..how do I explain to him if he killed the cat?" Luckily, I found the cat in the basement sitting relatively (relatively) calmly with a handcuff around his neck. I saved the cat...and then we had a LONG talk about how it is never a good idea to put ANYTHING around ANYBODY's neck. We got the cat from my mom. I sent her an email saying "Please let me come home. Love, Jerry" Jerry is the cat.

Tit for tat though....we have some angel fish in the house. We used to have two very large ones, but we left the house one Thanksgiving and when we came home we found out that our then 2 year old had unplugged the tank. Unfortunately for the fish, they didn't fare so well. We've spent the last 18 months with frogs, snails and newts...and finally decided we were ready for some more angelfish. The first two seemed to be doing well...and then this weekend one died. Why, you ask? Apparently angel fish are very fragile fish and can't handle noise...OR A CAT BODY SLAMMING THE TANK 50 TIMES A DAY. Seriously. It's a zoo here.

Anxiety runs in my family. My mom and grandma are horrible. I seem to have inherited it as well. Unfortunately for me, it gets worse after I give birth and I seem to be doing that frequently.

I'll give you some examples:

1) My husband has a fever. I think...he has cancer and is dying.
2) My mom doesn't proof her emails so every now and then a sentence is goofy. I think she has dementia.
3) TMI here, but I have a little blood when I go to the bathroom. I think I have colon cancer. Nevermind the fact I had hemorroids so bad when I was pregnant, I bled every day.
4) My dad was dehydrated and almost blacked out. I think he is having a heart attack.

Seriously I know that NONE of these things is happening, but I worry CONSTANTLY.

I'm tempted to go to the doctor to see about anti anxiety medication, but I'm hoping once my hormones are back to normal, it will calm down.

What is wrong with me? I am SO happy with my life. I love my husband, parents, my children. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like I don't believe I deserve to be this happy. Like something is going to go wrong.

Although, as I sit here typing, I can tell you my life isn't perfect. I do have one sleeping baby on my lap, but two screaming (and I do mean screaming) children in the bedroom. There's nothing like overtired children to help you relax at the end of the day. Calgon..........take me away.............

My husband told me today if he would've had the number for our adoption agency, he would have called and cancelled the adoption.

I'm not sure if it's the alignment of the planets or what, but my children are now being referred to as the "trio of terror".

Thursday night I got a brand new washer and dryer at 10 pm. That's a story in itself....who gets deliveries at 10pm? Anyways, at 1am, the puking started....I did 8 loads of laundry before 11 am. Seriously? THREE puking kids.

We spent the weekend at my parents...luckily the kids recovered quickly. We didn't get home 'til after 9 Monday night. Last night we had t-ball...and tonight...everyone is cranky. I don't know how we're going to handle 4 kids and activities once they are all in school. It could be interesting.

I get knocked down...

but I get up again.

Well...maybe. We still don't know why we were kicked out of PGN. I just hope we'll be back in soon. I really just want to bring my daughter home. My daughter. Legally she's not my daughter. Emotionally? Definitely. Not only is she my daughter, she is my children's sister. Seriously. It's hard enough to deal with this on my own...but trying to explain to my kids why their sister isn't home yet? It's damn near impossible.

I was crying on her birthday. My 5 year old said "don't worry mommy...she will be home soon". Out of the mouths of babes. :) If I knew we'd get her for sure, I wouldn't even care...I'm just so terrified we are going to lose her referral. It's not a logical fear...but it's there.

I'm ready to bargain with the devil. Please God...let my little girl come home.

Seriously...why can't I title these?

Anyways, our international agency said we were kicked out of the Guatemalan Court. I'm not sure I believe that we were in, but whatever. At least we are all on the same page now and agree we need to be "resubmitted". IF we don't get kicked out anymore, it's still 8 weeks before we can get approval. Sometimes I wonder if we're ever going to bring our little girl home. It's not even 8 weeks from now...it's 8 weeks from when I get resubmitted...and the way things seem to go, it will be a couple of weeks before that happens.

I'm contemplating a trip to Guatemala this fall to see her. My husband isn't all for that, but she's my daughter...and I haven't seen her since November.

This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.

My 5 year old must've heard us talking about the money we still needed to pay for the adoption, because he gave me a quarter yesterday so that we could bring his sister home. If only that would solve the problem....

I don't understand how to make titles for posts yet?

Anyways, have you ever heard the Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers". I love that song....and I'm not really much of a country music fan.

As I sit here right now holding my baby girl, I think of that song. The lyrics go

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers .

I prayed, and prayed, and prayed that I wasn't pregnant. I did NOT know what we would do with 4 children...and I did NOT want to go through bedrest again....along with the worry and possibility of a preterm baby.

Guess HE knew better what was best for our family!

This adoption is a mess.

We decided to adopt in January of 2006. We had always wanted three children and after 2 months of bedrest with our second, we decided international adoption was the way to go.

After looking at several countries we decided on Guatemala. We signed with an agency in March and accepted a referral of a beautiful little girl in July. We visited her in November and have been waiting patiently for her to come home.

It's July...a year later...she's 1 and there's no end in sight. Someone isn't being truthful with us...whether it's the agency, attorney or facilitator who knows. I sent a rather terse email this morning to the agency asking them to please confirm our status. We'll see where that gets us.

I don't know how people who don't have children at home do this. I have three kids at home (ages 5,3 and 3 months) and it still doesn't keep me from constantly worrying about our daughter in Guatemala. Yes...you read that correctly....I got pregnant on accident last August. I spent 4 months on bedrest this time...but it all worked out.

I can't beileve I used to say "Why don't people just adopt"....18 months into this process...and there is no "just" about it.

Hello! I've been a viewer in blogland for awhile, but have finally decided to start posting...if for no other reason than my own sanity.

I'm a mother of 3 with number 4 on the way. She's currently located in Guatemala and we're working on finishing up her adoption.